[0.0s] Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.3s] Suddenly, the room was filled with an unexpected ice storm. Seems weird.
[8.1s] As you squint through the haze, you see four figures standing on a tucked-away balcony.
[13.3s] Surprised to see you made it this far. I shall deliver you and the traitorous Iskander to him myself.
[18.8s] Remember that he has a fire breath weapon?
[21.0s] So Donnie lets forth his flame breath and, uh, chars the first one.
[27.9s] He's up in flames, running around.
[30.1s] I see him, like, frantically trying to pat himself out while he's on fire,
[34.3s] and I aim for just what I think should be his head region.
[38.4s] His name was Harold.
[40.2s] Oh, well.
[41.0s] He had a family.
[42.0s] And then you see him vanish and then reappear up on top of the balcony,
[47.6s] and a fireball begins to form in his hands that he releases down towards Donnie Noir and Thea.
[53.6s] But that fireball's like one of those super slow fireballs,
[56.7s] so it takes like three turns to get there.
[58.5s] And then you release your dwarven thrower and it connects square in his sternum,
[63.0s] and he, like, grabs onto it, but the dwarven thrower pulls him back with it.
[68.5s] Oh, that's a mistake, yeah.
[70.2s] Into the room, he bounces off the telescope and falls to the ground.
[74.6s] Oh, like that guy in Titanic.
[76.4s] Lara and Thaddeus, you feel drawn to a dagger.
[83.0s] If you give me to her, we will never be able to be friends again.
[86.9s] Thaddeus, I really, I just, I've never asked you for anything before.
[92.2s] I just want the dagger.
[94.1s] Can't you just give it to me?
[95.6s] I, no, no, it's my dagger.
[98.5s] Thea begins to run towards you, but she's not fast enough.
[102.2s] In the moment that he hands the weapon to you and you drive it into his chest,
[108.1s] and it goes through his armor into his heart.
[113.5s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[115.3s] We're a D&D fifth edition Actual Play podcast,
[117.7s] and I'm your dungeon master Russ More, and with me today is Amy More.
[121.9s] I love sparkles.
[124.1s] I'm Amy More, and I play Thea Amastasia.
[128.9s] Also with us today, Carla Johnson.
[132.9s] I've decided to take a heel turn.
[135.8s] Apparently, I play Lara Moonbrook.
[139.2s] And with us also, Tom Laird.
[144.2s] What?
[146.2s] I am indifferent towards sparkles.
[149.2s] They're fine.
[150.2s] I could take them or leave them.
[152.0s] Oh, and I play Flynn Firebeard.
[153.6s] How's everybody doing?
[156.1s] Whatever.
[157.5s] Yep.
[158.1s] I'll concur with that.
[159.1s] Whatever.
[159.6s] Yep.
[163.1s] One of our own was hurt last episode, and it's still pretty raw.
[166.7s] Apparently, last week left a poor taste in people's mouths.
[170.6s] I don't get it.
[171.4s] Russ, we are stressed out to the max.
[173.9s] There's a missing fucking owl, and now this shit is going on.
[178.6s] I mean, come on.
[179.9s] These are bad people.
[181.1s] Hashtag fine guac.
[182.5s] Hashtag fine guac.
[184.3s] If you go to Twitter and put in hashtag fine guac,
[186.4s] there's a whole movement going on.
[188.3s] I love it.
[188.9s] People threatening to not listen to the podcast,
[191.0s] but they keep coming back and saying that we haven't found guac yet.
[194.0s] So it's a tough one.
[197.5s] I don't know how well it's like a three strike situation,
[200.6s] like they're going to give you some chances,
[202.3s] but you better fucking follow through on finding guac.
[206.1s] I mean, we'll take us where the story takes us.
[208.6s] Well, maybe when we do find guac,
[210.6s] she could be like, you're the one now, dog.
[215.4s] It wasn't going to be, but now it is.
[217.4s] No, it needs to be a wonderful reunion.
[219.7s] Oh, God, I hope there's a reunion.
[221.8s] Oh, God.
[223.5s] Sean Connery is.
[225.3s] Yeah, I get it.
[226.4s] It's good.
[229.0s] Where you can get more of us,
[230.4s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[232.6s] where people will be less angry at me.
[235.0s] Oh, I don't know.
[236.0s] For the most part, true.
[239.4s] I mean, I don't know.
[241.8s] And when you're a patron of ours,
[243.2s] you get an episode dedicated to you.
[245.2s] Like today's dedication is the one and only Daryl Johnson.
[250.4s] Yeah, Daryl.
[251.0s] Thanks, Daryl.
[252.5s] I know that guy.
[253.5s] I know that guy.
[254.6s] That's all I'm going to say.
[259.9s] All right.
[261.7s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast,
[263.5s] you can ask Daryl for yourself.
[265.0s] He doesn't want to be associated with me right now, probably,
[267.8s] because I don't want to be associated with me right now.
[271.5s] Yeah, yeah.
[272.8s] Another way you can support us is you can rate and review us on iTunes.
[276.0s] We appreciate that.
[277.7s] It helps all podcasts grow and get in front of more people.
[281.1s] It's a fantastic thing.
[282.4s] And if you call Russ a doink in your review,
[285.0s] we will read it in the podcast.
[286.8s] Yeah, we will doink it.
[288.6s] That'd be so great.
[291.7s] Yeah, if you call me a doink in the review,
[296.1s] we will read it in the podcast.
[297.9s] I laughed out loud for that.
[303.3s] When the episode title came up, you doink,
[305.9s] I like fully laughed out loud,
[308.4s] because of course Russ makes those up.
[310.2s] We don't know what they're going to be.
[311.4s] Oh, my God.
[312.5s] What a delight that was, Russ.
[314.2s] It was a delight.
[315.4s] I thought it was so funny.
[317.0s] By far the best thing I've ever said on the podcast.
[320.6s] I mean, it was up there if it wasn't.
[322.5s] It was a wife thing.
[326.3s] It resounded.
[329.0s] Everybody loved it.
[330.9s] Everybody loved it.
[333.4s] Fuck it.
[333.8s] Let's play D&D.
[335.1s] Yeah.
[339.0s] We find Nulara standing with a dagger in the chest of Thaddeus
[347.8s] as he begins coughing and he grabs at Nulara
[353.4s] and he's got this look of why on his face.
[357.8s] What's everybody else doing?
[362.2s] Dying a little on the inside.
[365.6s] Nulara, you hear in your mind of mine a voice and it says,
[372.5s] yes, yes, you will do to return me to my master.
[377.3s] Let's have some fun, shall we?
[381.0s] And you pull the dagger out and quickly sheath it on your belt.
[385.4s] I say, Nulara, what the fuck?
[387.8s] Thaddeus, oh, my God, are you?
[391.1s] Oh, my God.
[392.3s] And I'm like, I guess, going to try and like,
[394.4s] take his armor off to like, get to the wound.
[397.4s] Make a medicine check.
[400.1s] Yeah, that's a skill I have.
[401.5s] It's not.
[402.0s] That's one.
[402.6s] Totally one.
[403.1s] Everybody has some.
[404.6s] Oh, I actually, I'm fucking baller with medicine, you guys.
[408.7s] Been holding, holding out on you this whole time.
[411.7s] 25.
[412.6s] Oh, my God.
[414.3s] Yeah, all right.
[414.6s] She fucking performs open heart surgery, saves his life.
[419.4s] Fixes him right up.
[420.6s] You managed to quickly get his armor off.
[422.9s] And you're everybody's kind of watching you do this,
[425.3s] as they just saw you stab him.
[427.7s] And now you're taking his armor off and bandaging him up
[430.4s] and applying pressure to the wound.
[433.6s] Is he still alive?
[435.0s] He's just like, yeah, OK, then I am going to give him
[440.2s] my last rare healing potion that I was going to use on my own dying ass self.
[446.2s] But I'm going to give it to him.
[447.8s] Nulara, what the fuck?
[450.0s] He drinks the potion.
[452.2s] Lara, you see the wound begin to close,
[454.8s] so it's the potion is taking effect and it looks like it's working.
[458.2s] Thaddeus, what happened?
[459.4s] Oh, my God.
[460.1s] How did you even get hurt?
[461.1s] I thought that we beat these guys.
[465.3s] You stabbed me.
[467.2s] I stabbed you.
[468.3s] Are you delirious?
[469.4s] What are you talking about?
[470.8s] As, yeah, Flint's walking over there is like, yeah, dude, you stabbed him.
[475.1s] What are you guys talking about?
[476.6s] Why would I stab him?
[477.8s] It's a great question.
[480.3s] It's a great question.
[481.4s] Any thoughts?
[481.8s] Fighting over that fucking knife.
[483.8s] You guys were fighting over that dagger and you took it away from him
[487.0s] and then you fucking stabbed him with it.
[489.2s] What dagger?
[489.9s] What are you even talking about?
[491.6s] The one that's in your belt.
[493.1s] Can I snatch it like from her scabbard daggers going scabbards?
[498.8s] Yes, you can try.
[499.6s] Yeah.
[500.1s] Yeah, I want to try that.
[501.0s] Make a dex.
[502.6s] I'm going to fucking roll.
[504.9s] I'm going to do a dex roll.
[505.9s] It's going to be the best thing ever.
[507.4s] Can I roll two d20s and just add them together to get my lesson 10 number?
[511.6s] Let's say you roll with advantage because she doesn't know what you're doing.
[514.0s] You're just quickly trying to do this without her knowledge.
[516.5s] Okay, well, I just legit roll the one.
[520.1s] Excellent.
[521.4s] Maybe roll your other one.
[522.3s] It's going to go up.
[523.1s] It was a 16 plus two, 18 plus one.
[527.8s] Sorry, 17.
[528.7s] So you are still wolf.
[530.2s] So you're trying to grab it from the handle and pull it out of her belt?
[534.0s] I think I'm trying to rip the leather belt buckle loop shit right off of her.
[541.3s] I don't think I could be very precision.
[543.0s] I don't think I'm lifting it out by the handle.
[545.4s] I think I'm grabbing hold of the whole scabbard and just ripping.
[549.2s] Sure.
[549.5s] So you bite into the scabbard and you see a red glow come from the gems
[556.8s] and it doesn't move and you take four damage.
[562.0s] Do I drop it?
[563.1s] Did I take it off?
[566.5s] Where you grabbed it, it doesn't come out or come off.
[571.0s] I kind of like yelp a bit as I'm assuming burns my mouth.
[577.8s] And I say that take that off.
[581.0s] Take that off, Nularaaa.
[584.0s] That thing's evil.
[586.3s] Okay, well, I grab it and try and take it off.
[588.4s] It doesn't remove.
[591.1s] Nularaaa, seriously, take it off.
[593.9s] But am I like, you can see me trying to move it and it just won't move?
[599.3s] But maybe you're really good at pantomiming a struggle.
[604.9s] So I'm pulling on it.
[607.5s] Guys, I can't move it.
[610.5s] Well, Nularaaa is never getting naked again, you guys, apparently.
[614.2s] Well, I'll always have a belt on.
[616.1s] Weird.
[617.0s] Apparently.
[618.3s] Fine, we can have sex, but I'm leaving my belt on.
[623.2s] And my socks.
[625.0s] Okay, Thaddeus, are you all right?
[627.6s] Do you know anything about, I don't know, evil bewitched daggers?
[633.9s] Nope.
[637.7s] Do I know anything?
[638.5s] Can I roll a history check?
[640.4s] Oh, I know fucking nothing.
[641.1s] Maybe I might know something.
[643.6s] Yeah, everybody who wants to can make a history check.
[645.8s] Well, I rolled a three.
[648.6s] I think history's for twice.
[649.6s] That's a 26.
[651.3s] I rolled a 20.
[652.6s] Nularaaa, you're trying to remove the dagger and you're kind of looking at it.
[656.7s] And what you can see is, because the blade won't remove from the scabbard,
[663.1s] you see an ebony crossguard which seamlessly flows into a worn leather wrapped handle.
[672.7s] There are two red garnet stones.
[676.1s] I did say gems last time, but they're red garnet stones.
[679.7s] I don't think you know about this specific dagger, even with a 26.
[688.8s] Guys, help me, like, try to get this thing off of me.
[696.4s] I don't know if it burned Thea's mouth when she tried to bite it.
[701.8s] You're not even going to try?
[703.2s] Cut my belt off me.
[704.6s] Jesus, you guys.
[706.3s] This thing just made me stab Thaddeus, is what you're telling me,
[709.3s] and you're not going to try and get it away from me?
[711.0s] Get it away from me.
[712.6s] I don't have hands, it's all you, Flint.
[715.7s] As Flint is approaching you to try and cut off the belt,
[720.5s] Nularaaa, you hear in your head,
[723.4s] if he removes me and we are separated,
[726.2s] something will happen to one of your friends.
[731.8s] And then the voice goes away.
[734.0s] Uh, so I guess I just start to back away from him.
[739.2s] Nularaaa, what are you doing?
[740.3s] Hold still.
[741.2s] How's he supposed to get that off you if you keep moving?
[744.4s] Guys, I can hear, this seems crazy, but I can hear the dagger in my head,
[751.8s] and it's saying something bad is going to happen to one of you
[755.0s] if it's separated from me.
[758.6s] I mean, it already used you to stab Thaddeus.
[762.2s] What worse could happen to us?
[764.9s] That seems like a risky fucking thing to ask.
[767.8s] What worse could happen?
[768.9s] We've just been in a death maze for like nine and a half months.
[773.0s] Fair point, fair point.
[774.0s] It's noted.
[775.3s] Nularaaa, you hear the voice come back and it says,
[780.0s] yes, yes, he was weak, but he looks fine now.
[784.3s] Guys, this dagger is evil.
[788.6s] It's so evil, it's happy that I stabbed Thaddeus.
[792.0s] Of course it made me stab him.
[793.7s] I didn't think it would regret it now, but.
[797.1s] It really takes it back down.
[798.4s] It's like, oh, you know what?
[799.4s] It should have done that.
[800.1s] It was a step too far.
[801.8s] But Nularaaa, if we don't try to separate you from it,
[806.2s] you might just end up stabbing one of us again.
[808.8s] But if we do try to separate you from it, something bad's going to happen.
[814.2s] I guess.
[815.8s] This is like the epitome of rock in a hard place, isn't it?
[819.2s] What does it want?
[822.5s] I don't know.
[824.7s] Dagger, what do you want?
[829.7s] I roll my wolf eyes at her.
[831.4s] I roll my wolfy eyes at her like, you give me this attitude now.
[835.9s] What I want will become clear soon.
[839.8s] We will just have some fun in the meantime.
[844.6s] Is it talking to you?
[847.8s] Yes, it said.
[848.6s] What it wants will become clear soon, but in the meantime, we'll have some fun.
[856.2s] What?
[857.0s] That sounds fucking ominous.
[859.5s] So I think.
[862.9s] Not that we don't trust you, Nularaaa.
[865.4s] You shouldn't trust me.
[866.6s] I literally just stabbed Thaddeus.
[868.6s] Fucking help me.
[870.6s] Guys, help me.
[871.9s] Make me not do anything bad again.
[873.9s] I don't want this to happen again.
[877.1s] Can we tie our hands together?
[879.2s] You hear in your head, Nularaaa.
[882.1s] If you don't try to get rid of me, I won't make you hurt your friends again.
[886.6s] Don't worry.
[888.3s] It says if I don't try and get rid of it, it won't make me hurt you again.
[894.4s] But I still think you need to stop me.
[898.2s] Like you can't leave it as an option.
[900.0s] That is a like legit abusive relationship you have with that knife.
[908.6s] I don't know.
[909.7s] I think maybe you should walk first and we will constantly have our eyes on you.
[915.8s] I don't know what else we can do.
[918.2s] We need to be all together on this to get ourselves out of this.
[924.1s] I don't know if we can afford to tie you up and drag you behind us.
[932.3s] Thaddeus casts Zone of Truth.
[937.0s] OK.
[938.5s] And asks that dagger some fucking questions.
[946.2s] Thea just blurs out.
[947.9s] I like to take shits in people's shoes when I'm a wolf.
[954.5s] Hold on.
[954.9s] There's a saving throw with Zone of Truth.
[957.0s] So whatever.
[961.0s] She spills all her deepest darkest secrets.
[963.7s] So it's just against his Spell Save DC there.
[967.4s] And Flame Bekins probably has to tell the truth too.
[970.0s] I know everything.
[971.8s] I don't know what's happening.
[973.2s] Spell Save DC 16.
[975.7s] You don't really know.
[977.1s] You got to ask like some leading questions to figure out who saved and who failed and whatever.
[983.6s] Yeah right.
[984.2s] Because we're not like I'm feeling in a truthful mood.
[987.9s] I could still be lying.
[989.1s] It's like a riddle.
[990.2s] Fuck.
[990.5s] I don't know what to ask.
[991.3s] What should I ask?
[991.9s] What do I ask?
[993.1s] Don't just go silent on me guys.
[999.1s] I don't know, Tom.
[999.9s] It's your choice here, man.
[1001.1s] What do you want to know?
[1003.5s] Well, yeah, as I say, I assume this thing was like its own
[1007.7s] being, not just an inanimate object that can talk.
[1011.8s] Well, I mean, you don't know.
[1012.9s] You don't know.
[1014.9s] I don't know.
[1015.4s] I think I know from you.
[1017.0s] Okay, you know, but who the sweet fattiest Thea Nularaaaa don't know.
[1021.7s] Flame McKinns doesn't know anything.
[1024.2s] Don't ask her.
[1025.7s] I won't tell you.
[1026.6s] Even if I knew.
[1027.4s] I miss her though.
[1028.9s] There she is.
[1029.6s] I haven't talked in a while.
[1031.6s] Yeah, we were all happy about that.
[1032.4s] There were some stabby, stabby things happening and I got real freaked out.
[1036.6s] Reminds me of a time when I was a pirate.
[1039.3s] And she goes off on a diatribe a bow when she was a pirate.
[1043.0s] Sounds right.
[1043.8s] That does sound like her.
[1045.4s] She's really small and I'm really big and I just kind of go over and like
[1049.3s] lay down like when a big dog kind of like lays on you
[1051.9s] and just kind of like crush her to the ground and just lay there.
[1055.8s] What are you doing?
[1058.3s] I muffle her with my fur.
[1061.9s] Still allowing her to breathe, of course, just no more talking.
[1064.1s] Okay, what's Thaddeus and Flint and Nularaaaa and Donnie doing?
[1069.0s] I mean, I guess just because you cast the spell
[1070.9s] doesn't mean you have to now follow up with questions.
[1073.8s] You don't.
[1074.6s] He just goes zone of truth and then goes.
[1078.7s] But he probably doesn't say zone of truth in game, right?
[1081.9s] He just cast a spell.
[1083.5s] We don't even know.
[1084.3s] There's a verbal component to it.
[1085.8s] So he would have said something.
[1087.6s] Oh, what did you say?
[1088.6s] That's what I want to know.
[1089.6s] Yeah, me too.
[1092.4s] Zonus of truth is the classic, the classic utterance.
[1098.2s] We always make the same jokes and I fucking love it.
[1100.7s] Did you say lamb?
[1101.8s] I love that.
[1103.8s] Ah, lamb.
[1107.5s] We're awesome.
[1108.6s] Fuck, I don't know what to ask.
[1110.4s] Tom's having some serious regret here.
[1112.3s] Okay, well, it's okay.
[1114.9s] Okay, guys, we have to get out of this fucking tower.
[1120.2s] We have to get Iskander
[1122.2s] and I'm terrified now that I'm going to hurt someone else.
[1126.5s] Trust me, we won't hurt anybody.
[1130.2s] We won't let that happen.
[1132.0s] Okay, I mean, I just, I can't live with myself now.
[1138.6s] Just if something happens, just stop me.
[1142.2s] However you have to.
[1144.3s] Okay, so where do we go?
[1146.8s] And this is awkward,
[1147.8s] but I really need to take a healing potion
[1149.7s] because I'm going to fucking die.
[1152.2s] I have like one sixth hit points.
[1157.4s] You don't look so good.
[1158.2s] I mean, aside from the fact that you're all
[1160.6s] weird about your stagger thing here.
[1164.0s] And she tosses you a rare healing potion,
[1167.3s] which was the 8d4 plus eight.
[1170.7s] Well, how is everyone else?
[1172.4s] I definitely need to take my uncommon.
[1175.0s] What's an uncommon I think?
[1176.7s] 4d4 plus four is uncommon.
[1179.8s] Everybody's drinking their potions.
[1182.3s] I'm still not great, guys, but it's okay.
[1184.3s] All right, do we have to go to this elevator?
[1186.8s] Like, let's like, we have this.
[1189.8s] Do we have the time sand thingy?
[1192.6s] The white shimmering hourglass?
[1195.6s] I guess you're a wolf still.
[1197.1s] No, I just keep forgetting the word for hourglass.
[1200.5s] I mean, yes, I'm a wolf.
[1201.7s] I'm stupid.
[1205.0s] What does it do?
[1206.6s] Well, is there one of those?
[1209.4s] Like, let's go to the teleport thing.
[1211.0s] That has the hourglass on it.
[1212.8s] Yeah, and press it and see what it does
[1214.3s] now that we have it in our possession.
[1216.5s] Good idea.
[1217.4s] Because last time we just, like,
[1219.2s] felt a wave of power, but it didn't do anything.
[1221.8s] I get up off of flamekins.
[1224.5s] And I say, you can ride on my back if you want to.
[1226.6s] That was pretty, that was mean of me.
[1228.5s] Yeah, yeah, that's sweet.
[1229.9s] My legs are getting tired.
[1232.9s] Do you need healing potion?
[1234.1s] I hand her a yellow potion.
[1235.3s] I already drank one.
[1236.3s] I drank it.
[1237.5s] Yellow potion, you dink.
[1239.2s] No, I drank it.
[1240.2s] I'm okay.
[1240.8s] I'm good.
[1241.4s] You sure?
[1241.9s] Yeah.
[1242.2s] Okay, well, I got this.
[1243.0s] We need it, man.
[1243.7s] You just let me down, your buddy.
[1246.6s] Thanks, though.
[1247.1s] I mean, I had one and I drank it.
[1249.8s] Maybe, maybe next time.
[1252.2s] Oh, you're so funny.
[1254.3s] What a time for a prank.
[1258.3s] You're all murderous.
[1260.6s] You all crowd around in the teleporter area
[1264.9s] and you press the hourglass
[1267.8s] and you feel the same wave of energy.
[1270.1s] And then the bright light comes
[1271.7s] where before it was like a, you know,
[1273.9s] it was like it didn't let you go through.
[1275.6s] But now that you are holding the hourglass,
[1279.4s] the bright light comes
[1281.3s] and you are teleported into dark room.
[1286.1s] As you enter this room,
[1289.4s] lamps on the walls activate
[1292.3s] and provide bright light within the room
[1294.2s] and you see the bodies of three dead cultists
[1297.2s] on the floor here.
[1303.0s] Hey there, I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
[1305.0s] Thanks for joining us for episode 56 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[1309.4s] What was that?
[1310.8s] If you enjoy what we're doing with this show
[1313.0s] and you can support us through a monthly monetary pledge,
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[1328.0s] of monthly bonus episodes,
[1329.5s] plus new ones on the 15th of every month,
[1331.8s] where we're playing a thriller, horror,
[1334.0s] sci-fi genre in the fake core system.
[1337.9s] And if you can swing it,
[1338.8s] just $2 a month gets you access
[1340.6s] to our monthly gook hangs as well.
[1342.7s] And those are an absolute blast.
[1346.1s] We answer as many spoiler-free questions
[1348.4s] as we can about the future and past
[1350.0s] of the story and the show and us
[1351.4s] and we just chat and have a great time.
[1353.6s] Check out all the details at
[1354.8s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[1358.1s] But another way you can support the show,
[1359.6s] because we know that sometimes it's just not possible
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[1365.3s] I get it.
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[1387.0s] All of our social media links and more about us
[1389.7s] and the show can be found at dumbdragons.com.
[1392.1s] So go check out the website
[1393.7s] and join, follow or like where you can today.
[1395.8s] And thanks to Sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere.
[1398.5s] Make sure you check them out at sirenscape.com
[1400.6s] to bring your games to life.
[1402.1s] Links for everything mentioned today
[1403.3s] can be found in the description.
[1405.0s] The next episode will be out Wednesday, October 10th.
[1407.4s] So let's get back to it.
[1410.1s] Have a great week.
[1411.0s] We'll talk soon.
[1417.0s] Lamps on the walls activate
[1419.8s] and provide bright light within the room.
[1421.7s] And you see the bodies of three dead cultists
[1424.7s] on the floor here.
[1426.2s] One of them has clearly been stabbed
[1429.1s] but you see a trail of blood
[1431.4s] running from this room down a hallway.
[1435.5s] I felt on my nose.
[1436.8s] Actually, Nularaaaa, can you go first?
[1439.4s] Yeah.
[1440.2s] It's just easier to keep an eye on you.
[1442.2s] You get it.
[1443.0s] I do.
[1443.8s] I go first.
[1445.0s] I assume, hopefully, towards my boy Iskander.
[1449.0s] I mean, he's not my boy we've never met, but you know.
[1452.0s] Yeah.
[1452.6s] I mean, you know, for all intents and purposes, he's our boy.
[1456.5s] Okay.
[1456.8s] So Nularaaaa, as you head down this hallway.
[1459.3s] And we are keeping very close tabs on her, correct?
[1461.9s] And we like we're walking with her.
[1464.6s] But we just want her to be in front
[1466.7s] so that she can be seen at all times
[1468.2s] and not stab anybody in the back or whatever.
[1470.6s] The hallway itself is five feet wide
[1472.6s] so it's single file down the hallway.
[1475.6s] But Nularaaaa, you are first one to the base
[1478.2s] and it opens up into another large room.
[1482.2s] And you see that as the lamps illuminate
[1485.8s] as you light down the hallway and into this room
[1489.4s] blood streaks the floor here,
[1491.5s] including the smeared trail leading back up
[1494.5s] to the chamber where you came
[1496.1s] and a second trail of bloody boot prints
[1499.0s] heading up the corridor to the north.
[1501.7s] Standing amid the gore are three humanoid figures,
[1505.0s] two that look like misshapen statues of clay and stone
[1508.4s] and one appearing as a humanoid made of flame.
[1512.4s] Oh, these are all statues.
[1514.4s] I mean, probably not for long, right, guys?
[1518.7s] Well, it's magical world we're in.
[1520.6s] Who knows?
[1523.0s] Uh, Kate, while I do the classic.
[1527.0s] Where I hold up my hand with the fist so everyone stops.
[1530.4s] Does that mean you're going to stab us?
[1534.6s] No, it's when she starts moving her hand back and forth.
[1538.5s] It's stab or hand job.
[1539.8s] Oh, boy.
[1540.7s] It's a dangerous game we play called stab or hand job.
[1545.7s] Oh, boy.
[1548.3s] Guys, there's blood everywhere in there
[1551.6s] and three statues, I guess.
[1554.2s] One is like a flame person
[1557.4s] and then the other two are just like big misshapen blob creatures.
[1563.2s] I mean, realistically,
[1564.2s] they're probably going to turn into real people we're going to fight.
[1566.7s] I just wanted to warn you before we went in there.
[1569.7s] All right.
[1570.0s] Thanks for the heads up.
[1571.4s] So I'm going in.
[1572.6s] We all OK with that?
[1574.6s] There's nowhere else to go.
[1576.2s] OK.
[1576.8s] And I enter the room.
[1579.3s] As you step foot into the room,
[1581.3s] the earth elementals and the fire elemental begin to move.
[1585.9s] Move and begin moving towards you
[1589.4s] in a fashion that looks like they want to take a swing at you.
[1594.2s] Roll for initiative.
[1596.1s] Thaddeus is up first.
[1598.9s] Do it, Thaddeus.
[1599.9s] How far away from Newlar are these guys?
[1604.0s] 15 feet to the closest one, 25 feet to the fire one,
[1607.7s] which is farthest away.
[1609.0s] And how big is this room?
[1611.1s] It is 40 feet by 40 feet.
[1614.6s] So it's a big old room.
[1616.3s] It's a big old square room.
[1619.0s] OK.
[1619.4s] Right where the first guys are there,
[1621.1s] I'm going to cast Russ's favorite fucking spell,
[1625.8s] Cloud of Daggers.
[1628.2s] That's fun.
[1629.0s] Haven't had that in a while.
[1631.5s] I guess because there's been no song kitty in a while.
[1635.8s] So this will be right on top of them sort of thing.
[1641.0s] Sure.
[1641.9s] On the start of their turn,
[1643.5s] if they're in the range, which they will be
[1646.0s] because it's the start of their turn,
[1647.6s] they will take 4d4 slashing damage.
[1650.2s] All right.
[1651.4s] Then it is Flameykin's turn unless Thaddeus is doing anything else.
[1656.9s] Believe he can only utter words of encouragement past that point.
[1661.7s] Describe the room as you enter.
[1663.1s] There's an immediate hallway that goes like off to the left
[1666.8s] as you enter the room and there to your right.
[1670.6s] Just to describe that there is a table
[1672.8s] and there is a table in one corner
[1675.0s] and two longer tables with papers and stuff on them
[1677.9s] towards the back of the room as you enter.
[1681.4s] Flameykin's slides in and under people
[1685.7s] as she was probably nearer to the back there
[1688.1s] and she was on me here.
[1690.4s] She's just OK.
[1691.3s] She's just riding you and she lets forth an acid splash.
[1694.6s] No, I do not consent to this.
[1697.6s] What?
[1698.7s] Actually, you did offer so I did when we got in,
[1702.2s] but I'm not going to ride into battle with her.
[1704.7s] No, she's on top of you.
[1706.5s] You said she's on you.
[1707.5s] She's riding on top of you, throwing acid bubbles.
[1711.8s] She's like, we got to do this together now, bud.
[1714.1s] She singes my fur.
[1715.2s] I'm going to be pissed.
[1716.2s] Yep.
[1717.8s] One target must make a dexterity saving throw,
[1720.2s] which it does not make.
[1721.8s] And then it's going to take 12 acid damage.
[1729.4s] And then it's one of the Earthstone guy's turn.
[1732.5s] So he takes how much damage from you?
[1735.5s] Let's find out.
[1736.5s] Soorty Mcdagger's.
[1737.8s] Soorty Mcdagger's himself.
[1740.3s] Feels good, doesn't it, Russ?
[1742.0s] Feels good.
[1742.7s] I like it.
[1744.2s] When it comes, when a cloud of daggers comes to fruition.
[1747.8s] Right.
[1749.8s] All right.
[1750.3s] So that is 10 damage.
[1753.3s] It just rushes forward and slam attacks.
[1757.7s] I'll say Nulara and Flint.
[1759.9s] Get a slam attack each.
[1761.7s] Those are slamma jamma.
[1763.4s] That's a 12 and 11.
[1764.7s] So I don't think it really matters who.
[1766.2s] I touched your dice.
[1767.7s] Oh, god damn it.
[1769.1s] This is what you've been doing this whole time.
[1770.9s] Get out of here.
[1773.0s] Get out of here.
[1774.7s] Stop ruining my dice.
[1776.1s] Keep ruining his dice.
[1777.4s] Keep ruining his goddamn dice.
[1780.2s] So one of these elementals makes a big swing
[1784.7s] and you duck out of the way and it is your turn.
[1788.2s] And sorry, just to be clear, we walked in
[1792.3s] and immediately to our left is the only exit from the room.
[1799.2s] Is an open hallway.
[1800.4s] And is the elemental, did it slam in between me and that exit?
[1806.2s] No, it's still over top of you, in front of you.
[1809.6s] It swung over your head and you ducked out of the way.
[1811.8s] Okay.
[1813.4s] Well, I mean, it's right there.
[1814.6s] So I'm gonna take a swing at it.
[1817.1s] But also, guys, we've tried to fight these before
[1821.4s] and it doesn't really go great.
[1823.4s] So I say, let's just try and get through
[1827.1s] and get down that hallway.
[1829.0s] What do you think?
[1830.4s] This is what I'm saying as I am about to stab
[1833.2s] because I'm a good multitasker.
[1835.5s] I mean, I'm ready to ride like the cavalry into battle,
[1838.3s] but whatever you think.
[1839.8s] That's a 25.
[1843.5s] 25 will hit.
[1844.5s] Okay.
[1845.2s] I reach up and I just grab her pant leg
[1847.1s] and I just really slowly like pull her off my back.
[1850.7s] 16 damage.
[1853.4s] Okay.
[1855.0s] Then I'm going to try and get it again as a 22.
[1861.7s] That is 14 damage.
[1866.6s] All right.
[1867.1s] So your two big slices, they cut in
[1871.4s] and they don't look like they do quite as much damage
[1873.8s] as you think they should.
[1875.2s] Sounds right.
[1877.6s] Okay.
[1878.7s] Then Donnie's gonna try and recharge.
[1884.6s] Fails.
[1885.9s] What else can he do?
[1886.9s] Why not bite a big pile of dirt, Donnie?
[1889.6s] Why not?
[1891.4s] Why not?
[1892.0s] I mean-
[1892.6s] 16.
[1893.5s] Did just suggest a run, but-
[1895.1s] Yeah, but they're like right there.
[1897.1s] It's true.
[1897.9s] It's true.
[1898.5s] 16 does not hit.
[1899.7s] Okay.
[1901.4s] Donnie takes a bite and it glints off the stone of this elemental.
[1905.8s] And then it is the fire elemental's turn.
[1910.2s] So it rushes forward to Thea and Flamikins
[1914.9s] and moves to, it just moves to touch you.
[1918.3s] Ooh, touchy.
[1920.5s] That's going to be an 18 for Thea and Flamikins.
[1925.2s] And a 17 for Flamikins.
[1928.0s] Yeah, that's gonna work.
[1929.5s] That's gonna-
[1930.3s] Definite touching happening.
[1932.6s] Syngy, syngy touching.
[1935.0s] Syngy, syngy touching.
[1936.2s] It's gonna be hot, you guys.
[1938.1s] So hot.
[1941.5s] Cause it is.
[1942.8s] You're going to take 11 fire damage and you are ignited.
[1947.8s] What?
[1949.5s] Well, she's covered in fur.
[1951.0s] Like your fur is on fire.
[1952.4s] I thought you meant like ignited with a fiery passion to murder.
[1955.6s] Oh, that would have worked too.
[1957.0s] Yeah, that's possible too.
[1958.2s] Flamikins is going to take 12 damage and her clothes ignite as well.
[1963.8s] And if I'm still on fire my other turn, I continue to take damage.
[1969.3s] And then it is Flint's turn.
[1972.0s] So it didn't seem like traditional weapons did a whole lot there.
[1976.6s] So should we just disengage and run for it?
[1979.8s] I think it sounds like a good idea.
[1981.1s] I'm on fire, motherfucker.
[1982.8s] I mean, she's on fire.
[1985.6s] All right, yeah, let's do that.
[1987.8s] You're disengaging running down the hall.
[1989.8s] Yep.
[1990.6s] Okay, Thea's turn.
[1993.8s] Can I use my action to stop, drop, and roll?
[1997.4s] I mean, you've got a goblin on your back.
[1999.4s] Oh, do I?
[2000.2s] She'd be down with it too though, probably, cause she's also on fire.
[2002.8s] No, I pushed her off by her pant leg.
[2004.7s] Until a creature takes an action to douse the fire,
[2007.1s] the target takes 1d10 fire damage at the start of each of its turns.
[2009.9s] You're going to take the damage anyway, regardless.
[2013.2s] So you're going to take 1 fire damage.
[2016.3s] Damn it.
[2019.0s] But then if you are to douse it...
[2021.8s] I roll around on the ground.
[2023.0s] All right.
[2023.4s] Oh God!
[2024.7s] No, I had dragged her off of me by her pant leg.
[2027.5s] This is funnier this way.
[2028.7s] Okay, I'm going to take out what I did before.
[2032.2s] Yeah, well, and I successfully, hopefully, dousing both of our flames.
[2036.3s] I just roll all over her with no regard.
[2039.4s] She's like holding on, like as this is happening.
[2041.8s] Oh God!
[2042.6s] You douse the flames.
[2043.8s] And can I disengage?
[2045.4s] Yeah.
[2046.6s] And can I dash?
[2047.7s] Yes.
[2048.1s] I do those things.
[2048.8s] Well, you can make it with a run.
[2051.2s] Oh, I'm sure I can.
[2052.1s] I'm a very fast wolf and I drag.
[2054.6s] Yep.
[2055.9s] Thaddeus is up.
[2056.7s] Flame Echans is already out.
[2058.0s] I assume Thaddeus is doing the same.
[2060.6s] Nularaaaa and Donnie are still in the room
[2062.5s] and one of the earth elementals has a turn prior to your turn.
[2067.8s] So it is going to try to slam attack.
[2070.6s] One at Donnie, one at Nularaaaa.
[2075.5s] Can you not sing while I talk?
[2079.6s] 25 to Nularaaaa, 24 to Donnie.
[2084.2s] Okay, well that'll hit both of us.
[2087.0s] Nularaaaa, you are going to take 16 bludgeoning damage
[2091.2s] or halfsies for your armor stuff.
[2094.0s] And Donnie will take 15 bludgeoning damage.
[2099.4s] And then it's your turn.
[2100.7s] Then I'm going to try to get out of there.
[2104.3s] You know, the old get out of there.
[2106.0s] Classic move.
[2107.0s] The old get out of there.
[2108.0s] So you take that hit and then both of you disengage
[2110.6s] and enter the hall.
[2112.8s] So as you enter the hall,
[2114.6s] there's immediately a staircase that goes directly down
[2118.3s] and a door that goes off to the left.
[2121.1s] Which way do you run as the first one through that direction?
[2125.0s] Which way is the trail of blood going?
[2128.6s] Quarter to the north.
[2129.3s] So it goes down the stairs.
[2131.5s] Okay, let's hustle down those stairs.
[2136.4s] All of you head down the stairs and you descend
[2139.8s] to a walkway that appears to stretch across infinite space.
[2146.1s] The walls disappear.
[2147.9s] Thousands of stars twinkle in an unfamiliar constellation
[2151.6s] and meteors strike through the vastness above and below the path.
[2156.2s] Just past the base of the stairs,
[2158.9s] a door framed by nothingness rises from the path.
[2162.6s] 50 feet beyond that,
[2163.9s] the path meets an intersection with another door straight ahead.
[2177.3s] Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[2190.2s] You bite into the scabbard.
[2193.7s] And find that her belt is really well made
[2195.7s] and you just end up dragging her by her waist.
[2200.2s] What kind of damage?
[2202.8s] Not cold.
[2205.1s] You took four not cold damage.
[2208.0s] Not cold damage.
[2210.0s] I kind of like,
[2212.7s] just having a fight with a giant snake on our bed is epic.
[2217.6s] That was horrible hand motions for us to be doing back there.
[2221.0s] I can't see our video.
[2223.2s] No, our video is completely black.
[2224.8s] It'll be interesting.
[2226.4s] Yeah, so I use my axe to cut off her belt.
[2230.8s] It's the most proper cutting tool.
[2235.0s] This is a precision move.
[2237.4s] I'm going to stop right there.
[2241.8s] Do I have to?
[2242.5s] Can't we just put me at the bottom automatically?
[2244.5s] No, because I feel good about it this time.
[2246.2s] Do you?
[2246.6s] I'm going to use your dice.
[2248.2s] I had a really bad roll.
[2249.5s] So people, I'm not going to be first.
[2251.5s] I had 12.
[2255.6s] Sorry, six plus one initiative.
[2259.3s] Well, that's right.
[2261.6s] Looky here.
[2263.2s] Guys, I'm broken.
[2267.8s] I'm bad luck.
[2269.0s] How far away from new are these guys?
[2279.3s] I don't know what that sound effect was, but I liked it.
[2282.0s] Earth glides.
[2284.8s] So it glides along the stone.
[2288.9s] No, that doesn't.
[2289.4s] Does it say like radical?
[2291.4s] And it throws up like some hand symbols as it does it?
[2294.0s] Hang ten.
[2295.0s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.